He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
