The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
