Christians are straight up FREAKS
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
