that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
