You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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