Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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