if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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