Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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