i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
