Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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