Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
