it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
