If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
