Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
