I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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