Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
