Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
