just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
