maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
