and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
