Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
