sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
