Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
