just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
