His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
birth control should be required to get into college
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
