I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
