Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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