i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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