question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
