Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
