I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
