So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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