It's just like the Real World with babies
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hippo gnu deer
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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