"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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