I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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