i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
