my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
