Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
