I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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