omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
