Is it because I queefed?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
