my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
