My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
