thus making me awesome and them whores
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
