and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
