The maid of honor just puked.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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