i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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