It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
