the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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