So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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